Hey Yankmee fans, I'd like to buy you fucks a sandwhich...
I wonder how much money Hank Steinbrenner will spend to dig up that buried Red Sox shirt in the new Yankmee Stadium? Maybe that'll end up on THIS killer site... yeah, right! Right next to old ladies suckin' 20 inch long black cocks and your sister getting tag-teamed in a Gap changing room! Check 'em all out HERE:
Still Juggy With It Tell me one bad thing about big, juicy fat, swingin CANS! I DARE YOU TO TRY! 'Cuz you fuckin' can't! click a tit for Jesus
Damn... don't know what it is lately, but for like the past- well, about 20 years or so I've really been into huge boobs. KNOCKERS! Thought it was just a prolonged case of spring fever, but my damn boner never really went down... so we'll just chalk it up to a healthy fascination. Hell, with me doing Bangedup as a job, it's even sort of a hobby now. Beyond that even. Sign up for that site above and join in the fat-bagged fun! And send me in your vest while you're at it. I ALWAYS need more.
Fuck, I'm still in awe of last week's update. So much so that I couldn't bare to replace it. But, time moves on. New hot granny porn and severed heads roll in (ROLL? get it? do ya- huh? do ya?) And, as such, new updates for in the bowels of my brain- just beggin' to be crapped out. So, Friday's here, and I think it's time we all cracked a brew and few skulls and checked out the wonders of nature below... ~FTW~ Sick Bastard
WE'RE CALLING DOWN THE THUNDERjugs You can't handle the big, juicy, swingin' titted TRUTH!
God fuckin' damn I love HUGE TITS! Somehow as the eb-and-flow of new material rolls in like the tides, the good porn gods above have dumped upon me some massively huge titted thunder jugs for this update!
But that's not all, fuckos...
This update contains possible 2 of the- well... why describe it here, when you can see it below for yourself. BUT, I will say 2 of the videos below are "instant fuckin' SICKO classics"!
And I'll also say that THIS UPDATE may be the best update I've EV-ER done. From over content to phrasing- it's nearly a perfect respresentation of what I've always wanted Bangedup.com to be. Seriously... BEST FUCKIN' EV-ER!
It's like listening to Slayer's "Reign in Blood" or Pantera's "Far Beyond Driven" or pretty much anything by Meshugga or Strapping Young Lad- it's just BRUTALLY HEAVY with no fucking let-up. No ballads or bullshit concepts in this one, fuckos. So you better strap it the fuck on, and check it the fuck out.
Speaking of music... hear the new one from "Cavalera Conspiracy"? Yeah, that's legendary barker Max Cavalera and his drummer bro from Sepultura (and Soulfly- mehh). "Sanctuary" is the song I heard. SICKKKKKKK! Killer evil guitar, heavy and fast- what more do you fuckin' need?
It's happy hour here on the Right Coast, but I am one sleepy Bastard. Pullin' the ol' wake-and-bake with a half dozen bloody maries at 6 AM to watch the Sox smack the crap outta the A's in the land of sushi and bukkake has me draggin' ass. But like I promised many moons ago, the updates WILL FLOW MORE OFTEN! So, here the fuck's another. Tomorrow, I'm doing it one more time- well, the drinking and ganja baseball part anyways! but I'll also throw a Naked/Famous update up. (NAKED FAMOUS UPDATE IS UP!!!!) Now... go fuck the babysitter... for only $1! Gotta click and see it to believe it!
But, please... fuck the babysitter softly and quietly. Sick B needs sleep to wake up early tomorrow for more early morning drunken baseball! Shhhh.......it's around the corner! ~FTW~ Sick Bastard
The dirty SickMac is back, servin' up puke jacks! Yeah, I stepped away for a little recharge of my fuckpump down in Jamaica. Man, there's nothing like gettin' high and floating all damn day in warm ocean water..... ahhhhh... something about it always makes me piss and make it a little warmer. Speaking of warm piss, I fuckin' pissed myself on St. Patty's Day! What the fuck? How old am I- 98 or something? It wasn't a true pissy-pants though, in the sense that you pass out and piss yourself and your buddy's couch. Done that a bunch too, but this was different. I just went to the bathroom drunk and hit the urinal for a 5 Guinness piss. But when I unzipped and unleashed my hogzilla I took my hands away to scratch my ass crack or something, and just let my cock drain. No big deal, right? WRONG! The edge of my jeans croth area by the zipper flopped down and caught direct stream of whizz, acting as a sponge and soaking in all the piss it could. It also redirected my stream down my legs so I had an "arch of piss" soaking all the inside leg part of my jeans. All unbeknownst to my drunken retarded self. So my jeans basically looked like I rode a wet dolphin (are the any other kinds? Maybe, STINKY dolphins... anyways...) while I was in the can. And at a PACKED bar no less! Trust me, that is not the look to go for. Thankfully I managed to duckwalk wy way back to where I was and avoid massive humiliation, and then proceeded to show everyone anyways! LICK IT! LICK IT! I shouted! Safe to say, i didn't get laid that night. not that i could have anyways. And because I love you bitches as much as the bitches at the bar and I'm a self-deprecating kind of mofo... HERE's A PIC OF SB's ST.PATTY's PISSYNESS! That may have been the closest some of you will EV-ER get to my cockenstein! So enjoy it...
I told you'd I'd be bringin' smaller updates almost every day, so here the fuck I come. Worldy brutality is on the scene today. Shown in various forms from various countries. Amazing how some of it is actually asked for. While other times it is demanded... ~FTW~ Sick Bastard
I like words that sound "fun". Fuck making sense- things just sometimes need to sound cool, or funny, or just good together. This update is dedicated to the long-standing Hollywood tradition of making foreign words blend nicely with our good ol' English lexicon. See if you can read through the nonsense below to follow the fuck along. And, if you can't, I'm callin' in that sick-prick Marine dude to toss puppies at your head. ~FTW~ Sick Bastard
Allright, so you've undoubtedly heard THIS STORY of one sick puppy and one dead puppy. Yep, some knucklehead reppin' America's finest fightin' force goes and throws a puppy off a cliff.
Nice... just great... YA' FUCKIN' MORON!
Like we don't have enough troubles over 'there" with our image and all that. Not that we care about image when THEY are flying planes into our buildings. But do puppies strap TNT around their little teat'ed bellies and blow up marketplaces? Do puppies use their little puppy phones to detonate their little puppy-shit mini-vans in front of government buildings? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Puppies are not our fuckin' enemies! Hell, I even keep a couple on hand around my house for fun! Our enemy is the fuck radical Islamic towelhead fucks! We should be tossing their kids and test-tube kids off of cliffs! (Just to pre-empt all of the li'l fuckers from growing up to kill us! Which they ALL seem to be doing lately!)
C'mon you jarhead puppy-launcher... smarten the fuck up for war's sake. We demand and expect better.
So, here's BIGGER AND BETTER NEWS: I'm going to make Bangedup even more of an everyday destination for you. Yeah, I update other pages(Naked/Famous, U MADE IT, NEWS) around the site everyday- but it seems the main cockmeat(aka: The Big Board page!) of BangedUp is always leaving you wishing and wanting updates each day! So, instead of me worrying about making jumbo 40+ file updates, I'll start posting smaller updates here ALMOST every day! If I said EVERY day, I'd be lying... for now anyways! So, today's update starts with the Puppy toss video and a few Scooby-snacks to munch on and kill brain-cells to.
And now, you can finally have a fuckin' reason to come to Bangedup.com EVERY FUCKIN' DAY OF YOUR PATHETIC SHITLIPPED LIFE!
And to thank you we'll be giving away free shit real soon too. Miss a day... and you just might miss the free shit...
Oh, and the tradition of big phat KILLER FRIDAY UPDATES will never change. ~FTW~ Sick Bastard
PS- Some of you are retarded and have e-mailed me about my rant about killing innocent children. I don't believe in killing innocent children... I BELIEVE IN KILLING FUTURE TERRORISTS! And I also know that Iraqis may not be our enemies, but now the country is so populated with insurgents that when I speak of killing people "over there" I mean our enemies, not a specific country per se. Although Iran can suck a big fat dick... AHH FUCK IT! THE WHOLE FUCKIN' MIDDLE-EAST CAN EAT TURD-COVERED MAN-BALLS!
Happy GO FUCK YOURSELF DAY to all those unlucky pricks who were born on the only day that doesn't really exist too much... yep, I'm talkin' you Leap Year fuckos! Why the fuck don't they put the extra day in the middle of the summer, so I can golden-bronze my bone an extra 24 hours every 4th year?
So, I made you wait that extra day for a fuckin' update. Frankly, you creeps didn't send me enough good shit to do an update earlier this week, so I slacked... and of course I WHACKED! fwap! fwap! fwap!
And you can start RIGHT HERE with these truly tasteful update! This one's got all the essential food groups covered- fruit, pussy, tits and ASS! Weird how an update just sort of 'develops" in my head. I rarely control it- I just sort of blend the ingredients YOU have given me! This little fuckin' casserole definitely tackles the theme of fun food, AND HOW TO FUCK IT! Now go over-eat below, fucko! FTW! Sick Bastard
THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My shit is PUMPED for a fuckin' BIG BRAWL WEEKEND THROWDOWN!
Shit, make it 2 BRAWLS! 'Cuz Saturday night has 2 money battles. First, you got internet bad-ass legend, Kimbo Slice, in all his eye-knockin'-out-of-dude's-heads glory! He's throwin' down with MMA legend Tank Abbott. Tank's a beast, but I might have stayed retired for this one, bub. Next up is a re-match of a great fight from last year between Kelly Pavlik & Jermain Taylor. Last year's fight was sick, so this should be no different. I know I'm getting the whole Bangedup crew together to throwdown mass brews for this sickness! We'll have all your favorites like Mr. Rotten, The Leppa, Fishy, The Pig, Evil Freddy and Riblet (formerly known as Tuna Wrap). If we're lucky Big Lew and the BD All-Stars will play a few numbers for us. If we're REALLY lucky, JB will ROLL a few numbers for us! I know who won't be there: Senor MAD- he is still deader than dead to us. Fuck you STILL you low life piece of shit. I hope you choke on the next dick you suck.
Yeah, I'm throwing out names some of you have met at one time or another. For those of you who haven't... catch us out at the next gig we bullshit about on here.
Speaking of bullshit, looks like a new Al Queda bullshit vid will be out soon. Here's the article: Al Qaeda Video Shows Prisoners Burned Alive. Check back here often to see if we score the vid. If you get it, FORK IT THE FUCK OVER TO ME, DAMN IT! You know the name... Sick Bastard
Your Big Daddy Romeo, Sick Bastard, here with your virtual box of chocolates. Some filled with cream,,, others filled with fat nuts! But you will never know which is which until you sink your teeth into my treats down below.
Who'd be you favorite Valentine's Day double-team? Send ME your best duo, and winners will win some free BangedUP gear. Better yet, make your own double team up, and take pics of that! The I'll REALLY reward you with some free shit!
For all you lonely fuckos out there, feel free to hit this up for some "companionship"! Cayton RULES!
Here's hoping Cupid's arrow doesn't hit ya in the peehole... ~FTW~ Sick Bastard
Wednesday NOTE: Valentine's Day update will roll in a few!
MIDDLE EAST VIOLENCE HITS NHL!
Monday, Feb 11, 2k8- Whatta you get when you cross the rogue violence of the Middle East with the fast-paced puck action of the NHL? The Richard Zednik Throat Slash VIDEO! Check it out below. Dude gets a razor sharp skate to the artery and bleeds like a stuck pig. Dude's blood actually hits the ice before he does! Crazy shit. If you have any better, mo' bloodier versions, send 'em on over. Sick Bastard
THE IRONY OF YOU GIANT MORONS Allright, so even though I am still extrememly pained by the shitstorm that was the stupid Super Bowl, I had to man up, and face reality. Pats lost. They were a much, much, much better team, but they lost- fair and square. OK, fine. But I knew I had fat lady's calorie count of e-mails saying: "HA! FUCK YOU, Sick B!". So, I dug in today, as I thought I felt non-nauseous enough to pull it off. Well, you fucks didn't dissapoint! I hate you all, but I'm proud of you too. I got some high-quality verbal abuse! From photoshopped pics made on the fly, to personal web-cam pics letting your middle-fingers fly... to just plain old cut-downs of epic proportions! The shit actually made me LAUGH, and SMILE- things I thought I wouldn't be doing again 'til may or so! So the fuckin' thing I least anticipated doing was the fuckin' thing that MAY HAVE snapped me out of the Patriots' blues. Weird...
I'm-a juss so happy I has you'ze loyal Bangedup fuckos, mannnnn..."
KAKKK! PUKE! FRALPPP!
Hopefully I'll have enough time to personally respond to each of you dinkwhizzles. If not, just know that you can all munch my furry beanbag and all the shit that comes with it... anytime you want.
In the meantime, earn your keep around here by checking out the slew of new spnsors you see in the usual ad spots! hell, we don't even need you to pay for anything, JUST CLICK A COUPLE HUNDRED A DAY! OK, you can sign-up for some too, but for now just click away and click often, and have some fun checking out all the new sponsors investing in YOUR BangedUP.com! 'CUZ WE ALL NEED TO HELP KEEP BANGEDUP FREE! ~FTW~ Sick Bastard PS- Updated some of the other pages around Bangedup. Go fetch, boy! Also "fixed" the archives so that each page loads less updates, so now their are like 17 pages of madness to explore! As usual, scroll down to the bottom of each archive page to make your way to the next archive page. Have fun getting lost in my sickness!
Oh, and chat it up with my hot little friend! You never know where it might lead!
Yeah, so no more bitching about the Patriots losing to a miserably inferior team from my most loathed city. My job is to bring the fuckin' madness. So, I'll do what I do best and spin my tortured thoughts into a BangedUpdate. I've fuckin' done that- and it was painful. As is watching ESPN, or the news, etc... Do your stupid part- AND CHECK IT OUT! ~FTW~ Sick Bastard
Oh, and check out all the new sites we're promoting now too around BangedUP. SOLID! Click a banner ad or 10 to help keep us free.
Super PUKEsHITfUcK Post ShittyBowl Note(It was FAR from SUPER): Well.... tough to summon any words from my great twisted mind that can outdue or explain what had been done. Your main man of maniacal madness SB, is, FOR ONCE and "officially": LOST FOR WORDS.
What the...?
How the...?
Yeah, that game has me walking around like the "special" stuttering fucker in the pic below. Only, you can't see me rolling my eyes back in my head 7 times an hour going "HOW THE FUCK!!!"
FUCKKKKKKK!!!!!
I just can't even FUCKIN' believe that we lost to a team that catches footballs on their heads! What in the hell was that?
Gonna take me a LONG time to snap outta this funk. The fact that I even "spoke" here today has me spent, and I think I need to crawl back under my covers(with you Mom) in the fetal position and just go along with the denial that I took too many mushrooms on Friday night and this is just a wicked shitty trip I'll snap out of just in time to rehost another Super Bowl party and watch the Pats do what they should have done....WIN BY 30+!
FUCKKKKKKK!!!!
Do your part in the meantime and send me horrific acts of savage humanity. I want these next few updates to feel like a steak knife in your pee-hole! Like power sanding your front teeth down to bloody gums. Like letting your sister go on a double date with OJ Simpson and Jeffrey Dahmer (you slice her, OJ, and I'll prepare her!). Like MY BIG BLACK BOOT UP THE FUCKIN' PATRIOTS ASSES FOR LOSING TO ASSHOLE NY'ers!!!
ONE MANNING DESERVES ANOTHER This just IN! BangedUP.com has gotten exclusive footage of Peyton Manning praising his little turdling- err, brother, Eli Manning before the BIG Super Bowl against the undefeatable New England Patriots! And here it is... SPEAK, PEYTON! SPEAK! WE KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!
Awww, shucks... ain't that sweet. Doesn't that brotherly love just warm your cold bangedup heart? Good lookin' kids too. Can definitely see those strong (missing/ extra?) genes hard at work...
FUCK, god(?) is gonna strike me down with a 7 headed stuttering kid- AND HE'LL LIKE THE YANKEES! Karma... karma... watch your back. As long as I don't have a hot slutty daughter, I'll be fine. 'Cuz I would shoot any and all mutha-fuckers lining up at my door to "date" her! Don't know how porn-star Dad's do it? "Yeah, so Bob, how's that cute daughter of yours doing out in California?" "uhhh, ummm... good. She has a pretty flexible position, and ummmm- you know, they uhhh, have her mutli-tasking and stuff I guess".
Yikes. So, back to the Mannings, or specifically Eli, and how he is going to killed on Sunday by my Pats! Ok, I've been watching every damn sports show and then some for the past 2 weeks, and some people are giving the G(ay)-Men a chance. Rubbish. Without getting too in depth for you shits, the Pats basically toyed with the Gants that last game so that they wouldn't show too much going into the playoffs. Yet, we still won. THIS game, will be a beating of the likes we haven't seen since the Bears fucked us up in 1986. The Bears were a great team and made a statement. This Pats team is maybe the greatest of all time, and you don't think they'll put a big fat 35+ point romp of an exclamatin point on the Giants, the season, and history?
Well, if not, you better learn bitch! it's ON! Super Bowl weekend here we fuckin' CUM! ~FTW~ Sick Bastard
