I got a call today from some politcal polling pussyfart, asking me all sorts of bullshit loaded questions about my vote. After hearing a few and not really agreeing with anything she said or anything she offered up for answers, I stopped her and said: "who the fuck is sponsoring this?". Come to find out is one of the presidential candidates. Specifically, the one that is like 157 years old!

I mean, seriously- the questions were like this: "Do you like McCain? Please answer: A) YES, or, B) the opposite of NO.

WHAT THE FUCK???

My point has nothing to do with McCain, but rather about how these fuckin' polls and the shitty stats they somehow get to work for them by confusing the fuck out of dumb fucks like you (not ME!).

So, what the fuck drives the election? Issues? Candidates? Or maybe the numbers the TV stations report????

We're sheep. We hear data and numbers and we buy into it. Maybe that shit sets into our brains and determines more of our descisions than we know. SUBLIMINAL STYLE!

My fuckin' point is, don't believe the hype- and don't answer the phone, and don't watch TV. Just keep it right here on Bangedup.com and we'll get your fuckin' head straight. AND, as a bonus we'll give you shit to smack your meat-helmet around to! SA-WEEET!

You like porn and metal music?
Well, then you'll LOVE THIS SITE:
Evan Seinfeld from legendary hardcore group "Biohazard" and VH1 reality show "Supergroup" in his very own porn-star pounding website: THE PORNPIMP!

click the pic to rock out!

OK, beer-o-clock is HERE for Friday! Let's get it the fuck on down below for another killer tgiFU! BangedUPDATE!
~FTW~
Sick Bastard

Yeah, fuckos- SB here with your official Olympics update. And by update I mean written words, not what lurks down beloe in the actual UPDATE itself. because as we all know, that SPECIAL Olympic update was last TGIFU!

Anyways, so I'm in bed last night, rubbin' my chub-on for no apparent reason, when up pops the US gymnastic babes! Now, laws specifically prevent me from talking about most of the ladies on the team(as well they should!)... but no law can/ will prevent me from getting NASTY on ya right now! Yeah, I'm talking about sweet American-by-way-of-Russian-immigrant-'rents: Nastia Liukin! What a babe! And she's legal too, damn it!

First off- Nastia doesn't even need to be really THAT hot. ANd I'm not sure she totally is. Yeah, she's blond and lean and all, but she has a little bit of a butta-face going. BUT, just the fact hat her name is NASTIA, and it's pronounced just like we want it t be, is TOTALLY FRICKIN' AWESOME!

Secondly, having that name and the ability to bend and stretch into unimaginable positions makes her 1 million times hotter than she might actually be! Petzel time anyone? Better yet I'll have a NASTY PRETZEL! yeahhhhh....

Speaking of NASTY....
Fid some nasty(nasty is good!) babes in your own zip code.
Right here... Pick a babe to begin.

And how about the Olympic BEACH V-BALL BABES! Fuck yeah! It's a great sport anyways, and putting babes in small bikini's with sand going into places we all love is TOTALLY FRICKIN' AWESOME!

BUMP SET SPIKE, FUCKOS!!
ALL DAY LONG!

Man, can you tell I'm a fuckin' horn dog this weekend??? Must be from all the sweet meat treats I have prepared for you below. Awesome stuff in this update. SO without further fuckin' ado... GO GET IT!
~FTW~
Sick "I'm not REALLY a retard but I could kick your ass in the Special Olympics" Bastard

And I drink it A LOT!
BURRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP!!

DO NOT PASS HERE UNTIL YOU SIGN UP FOR ONE OF THESE $1 PORN SITES:
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So, yeah, I'm a mid-week update kind of guy this week. So, if i reward you, then you should reward us by sending in even better pics/ vids for the Friday throwdown. Or maybe sign up for a fuckin' site off one of the banners around here. Or, send me pics of your mom suckin' chowd off some dude's knob. Oh, wait- I already have enough of YOUR mom doing that to MY knob.

This update has some quality FUCK in it. Since half of you punk-asses can't make some fuck yourself, go ahead and watch the good stuff.
~FTW~
Sick "I WON A GOLD MEDAL IN SHITTING ON YANKEES FAN'S FACES" Bastard

Hut 1: Double the Hatred, Twice the Pleasure!
As if I didn't loathe Brett fuckin' Favrerrerererr enough already by first CRYING like a bitch, then unretiring and making us all cry because his news was our news 24/7, BUTTTTT... now ol' Bret's a JET!

Fuckin' WOW-WEEEE!

My favorite douche of the moment(B-R-E-Tt! SUCKS! SUCKS! SUCKS!) has landed on the NFL team(J-E-T-S! SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!) with the biggest fanbase of douches and Jersey-guido-trash! And technically this team hails from NY, no less! How convenient! It's a like a big ol' shit burrito wrapped up nicely in one steaming stanky poop-pile for me to hate the fuckin' fuck out of!
Fuck you Jets fan- you're still a .500 team AT BEST this year!

And, fuck you too Giants fan- The Pats won that fuckin' SuperBowl.

Oh, and uhhh- Brett? Watch out bro... the Patriots eye in the sky is already on you, bub!

Hut 2: SIGN UP FOR $1 PORN AT ONE OF THESE AWESOME SITES:
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Hut 3: The Olympics are cumming! The Olympics are cumming!
Dudes, the Olympics from China? I have a feeling they're gonna be sweet! They're are so many cool story lines- from the protestors to the hot-bitches in beach volleyball! YEOW!

I just really think that this years OLYMPICS will be SPECIAL. Yep, a very special Olympics indeed....
Sofa king special that we here at Bangedup are putting together a SPECIAL Olympics update to celebrate! Yep, this update is full of tributes and ponderings of just how privileged we all are to have the world's elite competing at THIS oh-so special Olympics event.

And umm, $50 bucks says some muslim blows something up over there.
~FTW~
Sick "I WON A GOLD MEDAL IN MOM-FUCKIN" Bastard

OK, so I posted the pic above last night when the Manny trade first went down. So, 24 hours later... how am I feeling???

Well, I feel fuckin' GREAT! Sort of...

1st off- Manny HAD to go. Besides insulting the Sox brass, he was going too far by insulting his teammates by not playing hard. Dude, you're making major cake @ 20 mill a year. Fuckin' shut the yapper and play the game, you fuckin' fake dread-locked rasta-wannabee mutha-fuckah!

2nd- Sox weren't going to re-sign ManRam next year anyways, so we basically traded 2 average (at best) players for an All-Star (JBAY) from Shittburgh (yeah, you are Boston's LITTLE BITCHES AGAIN, PITTSBURGH! THANKS!)

So, short-term, yeah losing one of the best hitters in history hurts us. But the rest of the team can play better now, and I can watch a fuckin' baseball game without hearing Manny speed-dialing the Mexican ESPN channel to stab backs each night.

Now if I could ONLY get fuckin' stupid Bret Favrerrerer off my TV!!!!
FUCKKKKK!
Dude's become the male Brittany Spears story o' the day!
AND NO ONE FUCKIN' CARES!
Just play or don't play. It's pretty easy, you cheese fuckers!

In other sports news, Bangedup has a nice new TGIFU! update full of fuckin' and suckin'! You know, the sports that REALLY matter! ANd there's some god-damn champs in this update. So, bow down and recognize greatness. it cums in many shapes and sizes, but you'll be able to tell.

You should also be able to tell that these sites listed below ONLY COST $1 TO JOIN! So, click a winner and join! Or you're a chump.
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Joke o' the day: St. Peter is at the Pearly Gates checking up on the people waiting to enter Heaven.
He asks the next one in line: "So, who are you, and what did you do on Earth?"
The fellow says, "I'm Barack Obama, and I was the first black to be elected President of the United States."
St. Peter says: "The U.S.A.? REALLY? Wow, a black President? When did this happen?"
Obama says: "About twenty minutes ago."

Ouch!
Be cool, fuckos...
~FTW~
Sick Bastard

Hmmmm... let me see if I can think of anyone quickly off the top of my SICK head...


I, you little fucknuts, WILL NEVER FAIL YOU.

Well, I'll never admit that I do anyways.

So, yeah, mid-weeker is back. Pretty good one too. Just enough of the right ingredients to make for some stellar time-killing.

Guess what else kills awesome amounts of time???

$1 SITES KILLS GREAT TIME...
AND WASTES MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF YOUR SPERM!
IF , you play IT right.
You can't help but play this right---> ALL the sweet sites below have a $1 option to try them out. Join one or 2 to help Bangedup stay alive and kickin'.

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Friday will have a slew more OOH, AHH and PEWW! Stay tuned, and send me your best to be included in the fun... you fuckin' fucks!
~FTW~
Sick Bastard

I don't even need a hat to say that anymore. I'm pretty sure if you even look at me, you can just tell I am always thinking YANKEES SUCK. It's like when I was driving down the street the other day and I see a pleasant old dude just walkin' down the street, enjoying another breath in his overdue world of collective breaths... and I say: "ahh, good for that ol' skipper! look at him go." But then I notice he's wearing a fuckin' Yankee hat, and almost instantly I'm pinpointing my ride right at his dark, creepy, NY-lovin' soul! I mean, I shouldn't want to run another person down, but I instinctively DO. So, I let him live as I swerved back off the sidewalk. But as our faces were mere feet apart, I'm sure he knew exactly what my facial expression was telling him: YOU SUCK BECAUSE OF YOUR HAT. NA DI ALMOST MADE YOU LUNCHMEAT BECAUSE OF IT. SMARTENTHEFUCKUP!

I was thinking the other day... you know how they say you could survive in a desert without water by drinking your own filtered piss. Well, if there was no food around, could you eat your own cum for nourishment? I dare to think the question has NEVER been offered before the scientific community. So if any of you out there can hook us all up with an answer: A) you just may save a life- you know, if we're, like, stranded in a desert or something, and, B) I'll hook you with free Bangedup gear.

What's WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY better than eating one's own "sample"? Why, $1PORN OF COURSE!
Yep, all the sites below have a $1 option to try them out. So do it today or I'll make you eat MY "SAMPLE"!

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So, i think I've really outdone myself with this update. It's one think to take what is sent my way and repost it. it's another for me to CREATE MAGIC! And THAT is just what I've done- NOT ONCE... NOT TWICE... BUT 3 FUCKIN' TIMES! Yep, I've blended 3 kick-ass videos with a soundrack the devil himself might conjur up. I affectionately call them REMIXES. i have to say, lately that's been the funnest part of Bangedup for me. maybe I'll do a seperate page full of all the masterpieces I've created.

Yep, just more reasons why I AM THE FAHHKIN' KING OF ALL INTERWEBS!!!
~FTW~
Sick Bastard

"I hide the dirty minutes under my dirty mattress and they are making me itch"

Yeahhhh... those 2 intro pieces should tell you who I've been listening too today. GREAT fuckin' band for thos in the know. And Mike Patton RULES in everything he does, sings or touches. Shhhhh... our dirty secret, fuckos. The world never could handle "them".

Much like BangedUp.com-- unmanageable, unhandleable, and god-damn un-fuckin'-STOPPABLE!

But I don't do what I do without YOU. Keep sending me your most fucked up clips of life/ death/ sex/ humour and sorrow. THE MORE YOU SEND THE EASIER IT IS FOR ME TO UPDATE! THE EASIER IT IS FOR ME TO UPDATE, THE MORE I UPDATE! GET it?

Good.

Hook me up and you actually hook the whole F'in world up. So do it.

And don't forget to hook yourself up with $1 PORN! Yep, these sites below have a $1 option to join. So why the fuck wouldn't you try it???

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That's all for now. Enjoy the weekender fuckin' bender of an update below. Good stuff within. BUT SEND ME MORE FOR NEXT TIME!
~FTW~
Sick Bastard

"Eyes 'yo new president."




IF YOU BUILD IT THEY WILL CUM

I have built you a winning all-star update.

So, you may cum as you feel fit. Whenever necessary. And as often as you like it.

Message to Brett Favrverererr: "why did you cry like a little bitch in front of the world when you retired, if you aren't going to STAY FUCKIN' RETIRED?"

Sure you WERE a great PACKER- we just didn't know it was a fuckin' FUDGE PACKER! Cheer up, bitch. And go be old somewhere else.

Message to Jessica Simpson: sorry I just missed your birthday! MA GOSH! Feel free to stop by the Sick Palace sometime so I can fuck your jugs 7 ways to Sunday. hell, i'll even bukkake your can of chicken of the sea. DEEE-LISHUS!!

Message to Jason Giambi: gAy-Rod and Jeter are tired of your moustache chafing their balls. Please shave it.

Message to Jesse Jackson: DIE YOU HYPOCRITICAL MORON SCUM! I don't give 2 steaming craps that you dissed Obama- I just care that you're a fuckin' douche. Check out, bitch.

Message to YOU: check out the fuckin' sweet sites I'm bringin' to you. They all offer $1 trials to join, so hook it up on the cheap:
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Message to the WORLD: BangedUp.com is the BEST site in the fuckin' internets. if you're not with us, you're against us. So make shit easy on my world domination plans and fall the fuck in LINE!
~FTW~
Sick Bastard

Happy B-Day, US-of-A! Bangedup salutes U!

America must be a pretty special place for me to stay in on a Friday HOLIDAY afternoon to finish this update. Meant to update all week, but had some crazy shit drop on me, so I couldn't. So, here it is- Friday the 4th, and I, SICK BASTARD, and bringing the goods!! ALL-AMERICAN STYLE!

So, now i, like you, must head out to 24 BBQ's and drink 50 gallons of booze- FOR AMERICA!

Oh, hey- I'd like to wish a special "4th" to all my beloved Yankee fans...
a happy 4TH PLACE that is!!! HA! HA! 'Cuz that's where you is after the Sox whoop up on you!! Yeah, eat cock NY fuckos!

And to all you johnny-cum-latelies from Tampa GAY... just wait... you'll get your beatin's too. One weekend does not a season make, bitches.